Afri Hype

Story as told by Nigerian guy named Eddy:

 All my life I have gone through phases to become the man I am today. I have enjoyed my youth sexwise but sometime in 2012, I became disenchanted with the intricacies in pursuing the attention of women, simply because it appeared there was nothing new anymore to experience, asides very skinny ladies which I found gayish. I had tasted the others to fulfilment. 

I was and still am a very sexual person so despite my lack of desire to chase the girls I still desired the skirt. I had never ever paid or slept with a prostitute and had cold feet trying that out due to my life long fear of AIDS. This seemed a plausible solution towards curing my konji so on a fateful night out with a buddy of mine, we decided to patronize some ladies who ply their trade close to the hotel we went. 

After the normal bargain and agreement, we left with three girls, apparently my buddy was Ibadan brought up and shagging prostitutes was no big deal, so he settled for two with big boobs while I settled with one with a big ass. I arrived my home and all the while feeling weird on exactly how the show was supposed to start and end. I was so uncomfortable but hey junior was starving plus as a sexual deviant, Vaseline job never works. 

Anyway, we settled in for the night only for the lady to tell me she was hungry, as JJC I prepared indomie and egg and once she had eaten to her fill and washed down with a pack of juice I saved in the fridge, she threw the first bomb shell. 

She exclaimed "Oga I want to poo" I was shocked, well I pointed the toilet to her and inside she went, GOD of hosts, the sounds and smell that was emanating from that place almost gagged me, I wondered exactly why this lady came here to do this, well I maintained once I remembered this was a paid service. 

Soon afterwards came the second bomb, she came out of the toilet naked and laid down on the bed and exclaimed "oga oya chook I wan sleep". 

I noticed she didn't have the decency to bath afterwards cos asides the water on her bottom area which most likely was from tambering, there was nothing else. All the Attention that had plagued me suddenly eluded me, the mighty fell and a look at it indicated it had no intention to arise for any triumphant entry to her Jerusalem. 

I also noticed a weird smell, and couldn't decipher whether it was the toilet or the lady. I told her to sleep that I will come around since I was on my ps3. I thought of my 7k which will likely go down the drain if I don't do anything, I thought of the new disease I will introduce to the world if I slept with this lady cos am sure for her AIDS must be children's play, I thought of the fact I allowed my buddy to deceive me into an endeavor I wasn't comfortable with, I decided to go to sleep very far away from her, though I woke regularly to ensure she wasn't robbing me or she hadn't turned into a coffin (thanks to nollywood). 

By morning, despite not doing anything she asked for her money, I paid amidst tears welling up in my eyes but once I remember the intention for paying her I cheered up, at least I have paid her to eat more nonsense so as to fill up the toilet of the next man and gross him out.

We men don't menstruate, it's no surprise we have very low threshold to disgusting things. Well that became the last of my exploring such solutions as a cure to my konjinus.