Story One
Wife is barren, and after a couple of years, adopted a baby. This was not good enough for the extended family and the talks and advice and all began pouring in. Believe me, they poured in in torrents.
Story Two
Before he broke even, or became anything worth giving an audience, his family members didn't reckon with him. Wife stood by him, made him all he turned out to be. After that, family then knew they had a "son," their "oluomo." Every friend and family member wanted something.
Requests flooded, not tickled in.
Wife wanted them stabilized first. That was too long for them to wait. So things started breaking down.

In both cases the family pressured the men to marry other women, because it was assumed the monopoly of being an only wife had to be broken, to enable the first man to have his biological kids and with the other man, to give them, the family better access to the honey pot, and the men involved did. But guess what, both men went ahead to marry other women without the knowledge of their first wives!!!
Which brings me to the core issue, "why should any sane lady marry a man and agree to be hidden from the first wife, at times for years, in some cases, till the man passes on, and wife only knows of her/kids existence after his demise?"
"Runs" and 'adultery' I understand as best hidden from the spouses of those enmeshed in same, but don't understand why any lady would disrespect herself that wise, to be hidden, at times for years, even as a wife?
Does anyone have answers to my poser?
If you marry me, you can not hide me. I don't know about yours as a man hiding a second wife or a lady being hidden as one, that is my own.

By Sola Iroli